Successfully dealing with a child who bites

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Biting is an almost inevitable part of life for children in child care. As you will have noticed, young children explore their world with their mouth and biting is a natural extension of that process. For children under three years the urge to bite arises from this natural curiosity and it can also be linked to feelings of stress, frustration and excitement.

In a child care environment biting is an emotional and stressful experience for both the biter and the victim and for the parents of both children. If you are advised that your child has bitten another child, or has been bitten, make sure you work with your child care provider to deal with the situation as quickly and effectively as you can.

Ask to read your service’s policy on biting. Ask about any strategies the service uses to manage biting and where possible apply these strategies at home so that your child’s biting is managed consistently regardless of whether they are at home or in child care.

In addition to working with the guidelines set by your child care service, watch your child at home and see if you can figure out the reasons why your child is biting, once you have worked out what motivates your child to bite you could try applying some of the solutions suggested below:

Positively managing biting
For some general ideas on how to manage a biting child consider employing some of the tactics listed below:

Encourage the use of words and teach children to practice saying ‘no’ when they have their toy taken or when they are frustrated by something.

If possible follow the biter around for a day and provide suggestions for how to manage situations where the child might bite for example ‘Why don’t you play with this toy while Melissa is playing with that one’.

Take note of who the biter usually bites, whether at home, in a group play environment in a playground, at a birthday party or in child care. When the biter approaches this child step in to make sure the situation is kept under control and teach the victim to be assertive and say ‘No biting!’

Make sure the biter has enough personal space and help them find a peaceful corner to do something quiet if you spot any behaviour which might lead to biting.
Use rewards to motivate children who are old enough to understand cause and effect.

When children do bite?
As mentioned at the beginning of this article, no matter how proactive you are about preventing biting there is still a good chance that your child will bite or be bitten when s/he is in a group environment. When this does happen follow the course of action outlined below:

Act calmly, maintain a quiet and controlled voice, remove the biting child from the situation and say very firmly ‘No biting! Biting hurts’.

Take care of the child who has been bitten first, calm the child with cuddles and kind words and clean the bite area.

Once the victim is feeling better approach the child who did the biting and explain the effect of the biting. Encourage the biter to apologise to the victim and comfort them with cuddling and/or gentle strokes.

If the biter is old enough ask them to suggest ways they could avoid biting in the future and give them strategies for dealing with stressful or frustrating situations.

While biting is extremely stressful for everyone involved it is an almost inevitable part of life for children in group situations. As a parent the best you can do is consistently work at preventing biting and then work to manage the situation when it does occur. If your child is in a child care centre you should work with the carers to ensure a consistent approach is taken to tackle the problem.

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